The Fear of Love
by Scarlet Blue Frost
Summary: Nobody wants to be afraid to love, just like nobody wants to witness murder... Erza has had the memory of her parents' deaths burned in her mind since she was a little girl, but when is it too much? How much is too much? Will she ever be able to escape her past? Rated M for word choice.
1. Death?

**So this is my attempt to make a story in third-person! This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but I decided to make it a two-shot. I'm still working on the second chapter though, and I might make this into a longer story, but I'm not sure yet. Enjoy!**

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**I've decided that I'm going to make this into like a five chapter story. I can't fit everything I want into only two chapters. XD Well, more fun writing for me! Well... Uh the topic of the sto****ry isn't like 'yippee', but um... Writing is fun! There, that's what I meant. XD**

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Nobody wants to be afraid to love, but she was.

Everything was too stressful. Too confusing. Why did all of it have to happen to her? Her of all people?

Her parents' murders. The foster family. The rape.

Young Erza still remembered it clearly in her mind and would do anything to rid of the memory. The memory of that man forcing himself on her. The same man that killed her parents. She couldn't take it anymore. She needed to give up.

Although she thought the scars and wounds were enough to clear her mind...

They weren't.

As she walked down the street, itching her freshly cut arms, she kept her head down. She was on her way home. Nobody knew why she was in such hurry but she knew, and that was all that mattered to her.

Suddenly she ran into someone and jumped back in surprise. Her heart fell when she saw her best friends' familiar face. His brown eyes, the tattoo over his right eye, and his messy blue hair.

"S-sorry," Erza whispered.

She had to force her breathing to stay steady, for she new that Jellal would never hurt her. She put on a brave face to keep him from seeing her hidden facade.

"Erza," he waved his hand in front of her face when she didn't seem to hear him for few minutes.

Erza flinched then quickly apologized again.

"Are you okay?"

Rather than responding, Erza tried to push past him. He lightly grabbed her arm, and she found herself stopping for him and not yanking her arm away. Jellal clearly noticed something was wrong. Yes, she normally paused then pulled her arm away and kept walking, but this time, she just paused.

Once Erza realized that she wasn't acting normal, she carefully pulled Jellal's hand off of her arm. Before he could say anything, Erza ran off towards her home.

When she was in her foster parents' small apartment, she leaned against the front door to catch her breath. She didn't shut her door all the way though, something prevented her from doing so. Was it her subconscious? Maybe.

Erza went to the bathroom cabinet, where her parents kept their stash of medicine; she took out two containers of pills. She opened one container and swallowed the pills one-by-one until they were all gone. Darkness started to enter her vision but not quite.

She heard the faint sound of a buzzer in her apartment and the barely audible sound of Jellal's voice. Ignoring the feelings she feared so much, she sat down with her back leaning against the wall.

Soon, there was a ringing in her ears and darkness began to quickly seep in. She could still just barely hear Jellal's voice, which could be what saved her.

When darkness was close to consuming her into an everlasting sleep, she got up and stumbled to the main room of the apartment. Erza hit the buzzer to allow Jellal into the apartment building just before she collapsed.

Flashes of her past filled the darkness that threatened her life. It started with the murder, then the different foster families, and it ended with the rape.

_There was a gunshot, and blood splattered the young girl that the now dead woman was holding onto. The girl couldn't find the strength to move, she just stared straight ahead at the murderer. Her scared, vulnerable eyes stared into his as her father tried to pull her away from her mother. Then there was another gunshot, and if was the girl alone with the murderer._

Pure darkness entered her mind again. Then another flash of her past.

_By age fifteen, she was with her fifth foster family— three years after the incident. Fifth. She thought the last one's would've stayed, but they didn't. They were afraid of her and her past. _

_Her first foster family was afraid they'd be the next ones to get killed. The second foster family just suddenly decided they didn't want a kid. When the third foster family rid of her, they said it was because they didn't have the money to take care of her— maybe that was true, but in Erza's mind, they just simply hated her._

_The fifth family though... The fifth family ended up keeping her._

Instead of darkness consuming her again, it jumped straight to the next flash of her past.

_She was home alone when it happened, when the same man that killed her biological parents broke into her home. Yes, she had tried to push him off of her, but she didn't have enough strength._

_When he was done, he threatened her._

_"If you tell anyone, I will kill everyone you love," he uttered before leaving her alone in the living room of her apartment._

_She didn't see him again after that, but every once-in-a-while, she could sense him watching her._

**Yeah, I know this is a really depressing story and all that… Depression and suicide are big parts of my life, so I like writing about it(hope that doesn't sound too).**


	2. Give Up or Get Out

**Hello everyone! I finished chapter two! Yay! I'm going to try to finish chapter three by next week, but we'll see how that goes. It is Spring Break next week, so that should help! Anyways, enough of that. Enjoy the chapter!**

Erza woke up in a hospital room. On one side of the room, she could see her foster parents sleeping, and in the corner of the room she could see Jellal sleeping in a chair. Her heart rate went up when she realized she was in restraints. The machine she was hooked up to started beeping faster.

Erza's foster father was the first to wake up, and he quickly left to get a doctor. Meanwhile, Erza was trying to free her arms. Jellal and Erza's foster mother tried to calm her down. Her eyes were wide with fear.

Suddenly, her father and a familiar looking male doctor came into the room. The man sent even more fear and adrenaline coursing through her veins. She struggled even more, and she even started to scream.

There was a loud snap that echoed through the room, and Erza shrieked in pain. Blood dripped from where her her radius— a bone in your forearm— broke through her flesh. More doctors filled the room, and there was suddenly a sharp pain in her upper right arm. When she turned her head she saw that one of the doctors had injected medication into her arm. She slowly felt all the fight drain out of her, and she became very sleepy.

Everything went black for what seemed like only a minute. When she opened her eyes, she saw that her foster parents and Jellal were patiently waiting at the edge of the room, and a couple of doctors were discussing something near the entryway.

Erza now had a cast on her left forearm and no restraints. She still felt really dizzy, but she didn't worry about that. She sat up and hopelessly looked around. Jellal was the first to notice she was awake and he cautiously walked over to her. Without hesitation, Erza reached out and grabbed his hand, catching him by surprise.

She silently plead for help, but she knew she wasn't allowed to speak the words she wanted. As soon as the hauntingly familiar doctor came back into the room, she pulled her hand away from Jellal.

The doctor had a tray of food, and he brought it over to her. He stated in a chilling voice, "I thought you might be hungry."

"Nope. Not hungry at all," she replied shakily.

The doctor frowned and whispered, "Well I'll leave it here in case you get hungry."

Once he left the room, Erza's parents walked over to her to try to get her to eat. She refused and kept looking to Jellal for help although she didn't know why she looked to him, she just felt the need to. Again, this surprised Jellal.

After a couple of hours, her parents left to get her some food that wasn't cold, leaving her and Jellal alone. Before Jellal could say anything, she spoke.

"Get me out of here... Please," her voice was weak and shaky. The fear echoing in her voice startled Jellal.

He shook his head, "Erza, I can't let you out of here."

Tears pierced her eyes, but she didn't let them fall.

Jellal sighed, "Why? Why do you need to leave so badly?"

"I can't tell you," she whispered. She wanted to tell him to at least keep the one 'doctor' away from her, but she knew he'd ask why for that too.

"Well, you'll need to have a good reason for me to help you leave... You tried to kill yourself, Erza," Jellal frowned.

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you why... I just need to get out of here," her voice was soft. Erza felt a tear roll down her cheek, and she quickly looked away from Jellal.

Jellal pulled a chair closer to her bedside and sat down, "Erza, I've been loyal to you through everything, but this is where I draw the line. I'm sorry, but unless you give me a good reason, I won't help you out of here."

Erza wiped her tears and refused to look at Jellal. How could she possibly explain what had happened to her? Yes, she told him about her parents getting murdered right next to her, but she wasn't planning on telling him about the rape. To her, telling him about that was the same as telling him how weak and vulnerable she really was.

"They want to get rid of me now, don't they?" she whispered, staring blankly out the window.

"Who?" Jellal asked, but he knew who she was talking about.

"My parents," Erza's voice was weak.

She suddenly felt a hand resting on hers, and she looked over to Jellal.

"They don't want to get rid of you,"

It was a lie. Her foster parents were afraid they failed as parents, and they didn't know what they could do to help her. They never did admit they wanted to get rid of her because they were afraid she'd do another suicide attempt.

"I'm going to go see what's taking them so long," Jellal sighed, and started towards the door.

Erza stopped herself from frowning because she knew she was hungry. She just didn't want to be left alone. The scared girl forced a smile when Jellal looked back at her as he left the room.

After he left, she stared at the door. She was too scared to even look away from it. Summoning all the strength she had, she made herself get up and unhook the machines from her, only leaving the one that was keeping track of her pulse. Erza found her clothes and quickly changed out of the hospital gown then wrote a letter to her friend and family.

_Mom, Dad, and Jellal,_

_I never really wanted to leave you, but I can't stay here any longer. If I can't bring myself to die, then I'll just leave. Sorry, this is too hard to explain and would probably be too hard to understand. Please don't hate me for it too much._

_\- Erza_

She laid the letter on the hospital bed then quickly made a short separate letter to put in the pocket of Jellal's jacket. Although, Jellal's letter was a little different. Instead of just apologizing for leaving and attempting at expressing her unknown feelings, she added a hidden message...

_Jellal,_

_As you know, I've never been that good with feelings, but I do know that I've always gotten a dIfferent feeling When I wAS around you. I've Read in books that it's best described As love, but I'm still unsure... I'd like to believe that your voice is what saved me. If I hadn't heard your voice, I wouldn't have let you into the aPartment. I just thought you'd likE to know that you most likely saveD my life._

_I'm sorry I have to leave..._

_\- Erza_

As soon as she slipped the letter into the jacket pocket, she unhooked the final machine then quickly snuck out of the hospital room. She stayed alert as she crept through the halls of the hospital. Four people to avoid, yet only one would hurt her. Her heart pounded in her chest with each step she took. It was like a scene out of a horror film but worse; this was reality.

Now, you probably want to know Jellal and her parents' reactions to the letters, but I'm the narrator and I'm going to stay with Erza.

Once she was on the main floor, she relaxed but not by much. As she rounded a corner to an empty hall, someone stepped out of one of the rooms. The vulnerable girl was face-to-face with the murderer for the first time in forever.

She jumped back in surprise, and he grinned an evil grin. The murderer walked over to the girl that was frozen in fear. He grasped her chin in his hand and leaned close to her.

He whispered, "Hello there Scarlet... It's been awhile, hasn't it?"

Erza's whole body was trembling, and she couldn't find her voice to reply. The murderous man that was in front of her pressed his lips against hers, and she tried to back away in protest. As a warning, he hit her broken arm.

"Get... Away from... Me," she whispered with a weak voice between kisses.

There was no verbal response. Instead, he started trailing his kisses down her jaw and neck.

"Get away from me," she repeated, her voice harsher than before.

The murderer paused to speak, "I don't think so..."

Erza's vulnerability made her knees go weak, and she could barely keep herself standing. In fact, the only thing keeping her on her feet was the murderer holding her up. When she felt his hand resting on her stomach, she decided she couldn't allow him to go any further. No matter what.

She knew that her plan would cause her pain, but she couldn't think of anything else. Erza quickly slammed her broken wrist against the murderers stomach. The contact of her hard cast against him made them both gasp in pain. Erza quickly pushed her pain to the side and ran back the way she had came.

With pain still shooting through her arm, she aimlessly ran through the hallways, trying to avoid as many people as possible. She could hear the murderers faint footsteps from somewhere behind her, and didn't want anyone to have the same dreadful fate her biological parents had.

Erza saw that she was coming to a dead-end, a room with lots of books and one large window. Without allowing herself to hesitate, she picked up her speed and jumped as she neared the window. She set off an alarm as her body went crashing through the glass. When her body hit the ground, she rolled down a hill. As soon as she stopped rolling, Erza staggered to her feet and hid in the large garden that was by the hospital.

Tears pierced her eyes and rolled down her cheeks as she plucked shards of glass from her skin. She hoped that the thin trail of blood wouldn't be too noticeable in the dark.

"Erza!" Jellal's voice sounded in the distance. There was panic in his voice as he called into the night for her. As each minute passed, his voice sounded nearer and nearer. Erza couldn't find the strength to get up and find a new place to stay, so she stayed exactly where she was.

As Erza's wounds bled out onto the ground, she felt her strength slowly fading away. Every bit of it. She shut her eyes, hoping her end would be soon.

Soon enough, Jellal rounded the hedges she was sitting by and came to an abrupt stop when he saw her.

"Erza..." despite him being next to her, his voice still sounded faint.

There was suddenly an evil laugh from just around the corner, and Erza's eyes shot open. Jellal stepped back when he saw the murderer step out of the shadows, holding a glistening dagger. Before Jellal could react, the murderer lunged at him with the dagger. Erza forced herself to her feet, and at last second, forced herself between them. The dagger pierced her abdomen and dark red blood rapidly pooled out when the dagger was pulled back.

Feeling successful, the murderer left, and Erza fell to her knees in pain. She looked at her which she had put over the wound, and her eyes widened when she saw how much blood covered it. Suddenly, she completely collapsed and lay sprawled out on the cement.

Jellal knelt down next to her and lightly pulled her partially onto his lap. He stroked her soft, scarlet hair as she looked up at him, still in shock. The blue haired teen quickly fumbled for his phone to call for help. Before it was too late.

It became harder and harder for Erza to breathe, and Jellal lightly grabbed her bloody hand. As soon as her hand was in his, she gripped it tightly.

Just as Erza was about to lose consciousness, a bunch of doctors came with medical equipment. One of the doctors looked up at Jellal and said something that was inaudible to Erza. Suddenly, Erza felt herself being lifted up, and she gasped in pain as they slowly laid her down on the stretcher.

Erza didn't allow herself to close her eyes until she was in the safety of the hospital.

**So... How 'bout that whole nearly dying thing? Yeah... I forgot what song I was listening to wheni decided that... Maybe it was Synchronicity; I've been listening to that song a lot lately. Well, if you want to listen to it, go on YouTube and search: Synchronicity JoyDreamer.**

**Please leave a review, and tell me what you thought of the chapter!**


	3. Finding Hidden Emotions

**Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted in a while; writers block is a pain in the ass... Anyways, enjoy this chapter!**

After numerous operations, Erza woke up feeling in less pain than before, but then again, the wounds weren't fresh when she woke up. They were a week old. The doctor that noticed her wake up gave her a smile when she warily looked at him, then he left the room.

Erza looked around, trying to regain her thoughts. She remembered trying to sneak out of the hospital, nearly being raped again, jumping through a window, and being stabbed while protecting Jellal, but she doubted her memory for some reason. Even though it was quite accurate.

Erza could suddenly hear a doctor talking, but she wasn't quite sure who he was talking to or what the other person was saying.

"Yes, you can go see her now, but remember, there is a chance she might not remember who you are right away," the doctor warned.

The door opened, and a blue haired teen cautiously stepped into the room. Erza smiled at the sight of him, but she wasn't sure why she was smiling. In fact, she barely even knew why anyone even smiled.

Smiling was very new to her.

"Hi Erza," the curious teen greeted, "D-do you remember who I am?"

"I can't-" she struggled to find her voice, "I could never forget you... Jellal."

Jellal smiled and walked closer to her. The separate letter she had wrote him before trying to escape the hospital was still unread and in his jacket pocket.

"This feeling is weird..." Erza suddenly whispered to herself. She felt a large amount of stress leave her, and she had a warm feeling in her heart.

Her friend just patiently watched and waited for her.

Erza awkwardly looked up at him, "Where are my parents?"

"They couldn't be here today... They couldn't bear to see you like this... Hooked up to machines after being close to death," he stumbled for words that wouldn't hurt Erza.

It didn't work though. She knew her friend more than expected, seeing that she usually seemed focussed on something else.

"They didn't want to be here, did they?" Erza quietly asked.

"That's not true," Jellal quickly responded.

It was half true, just like what Jellal said to Erza when she first asked about them.

Before Erza could go on, Jellal changed the subject, "Are you hungry? I can go get you something to eat."

"You don't have to," is all she simply sighed.

"I'll be right back," Jellal stated, walking out of the room. He walked down the halls of the hospital, to the cafeteria to get Erza some food. His hands were in his jacket pockets, and he was fiddling around with a folded piece of paper. Jellal didn't recall ever putting anything in his pockets though.

When Jellal reached the cafeteria, he sat down at an empty table and pulled out the piece of paper. He carefully unfolded it and was surprised to see it was a letter from Erza.

_'She must've wrote this that night she tried to run away,'_ he thought, and he was correct. The first time he read through it he knew something was off and read through it again. The second time, he noticed the random capital letters. On the third time, he only red the capital letters.

Those letters spelled out: _I was raped_.

Jellal felt sick and wanted to have interpreted it wrong, but that wasn't the case. He folded the paper and put it back in his pocket then quickly got some food for Erza. When he got back to her room, she was lost in thought, staring out the window.

"Erza," Jellal kept his voice quiet so he wouldn't startle her too much, "I got you some food."

She looked over to him, "Thanks, you didn't have to."

"I know," he gave her the small tray of food that he got.

Jellal chose not to confront Erza about the hidden message in her letter, which was probably a good thing. At the moment, she was trying to figure out the emotion she was feeling.

"How would you describe happiness?" Erza quietly asked, taking a bite out of her food.

Like any normal person would, Jellal frowned at the question but tried to think of a satisfying answer anyways.

"Happiness would be..." he hesitated, "It would be a lot like feeling loved... You wouldn't be as stressed, you'd smile more, and... Well that's about as much as I can describe it."

The next thing Erza said was even more surprising than her question.

"I think I might be happy," she whispered with a smile.

Jellal wasn't sure how to react, so he just slightly smiled.

"How would you describe shame?" she asked after a moment.

She still wasn't sure about the emotion that she had felt since the rape, and she wanted to know for sure what it was.

Jellal, of course, frowned at this question too, "Uh... May I ask why you want to know?"

Erza awkwardly looked down at her tray of food and tried to think of an indirect answer. Jellal patiently waited, not really expecting an answer. He had known Erza long enough to know that she was a woman of few answers.

"I..." she hesitated, "I think I've felt shame... Uh...recently, but I'm not sure."

The nervous girl avoided eye contact and kept staring down at her tray of food. She felt Jellal grab her hand comfortingly.

"Erza, you can tell me the truth about anything... You know that, right?" Jellal whispered, sensing a slight lie.

Erza slowly lifted her head as tears pierced the corners of her eyes.

"Not anything," she whispered, "Not unless I want to lose you... And I-I can't lose you too."

"I'm not going anywhere, Erza," he hesitated, "Can you tell me why you wanted to leave the hospital so badly?"

She shook her head, "I told you... I can't lose you too."

"And I told you I'm not going anywhere," Jellal responded.

"You wouldn't get a choice," Erza mumbled, "He said that he'd... he'd... he'd..."

She trailed off, unable to say the next words. Jellal hugged her tightly, whispering the words 'I'm sorry' over and over again. Erza wasn't sure what he was sorry for, but she knew that she was sorry for being so weak. Jellal, however, didn't know Erza was mentally saying sorry, but he was apologizing for bringing the topic back up.

Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she tried to wipe them away. More tears spilled out other eyes, and she eventually settled on burying her face on her friend's' shoulder. Her fingernails gripped into his back for reassurance that he was actually there with her. Despite her lack of knowing emotions, she did know that she needed him. More than anything.

"Wh-where is he?" she stammered after she caught her breath.

"He was arrested," Jellal answered.

The scarlet haired teen closed her eyes in relief. Her grip loosened, and she forced herself to calm down a little bit. Jellal sat back down all the way in his chair, holding Erza's hand, the one that wasn't covered with a cast. He watched Erza as she tried to get herself to calm down, at the same time, he was tracing small zigzags on her wrist. Tracing over each of her scars. Each of her still open wounds.

Jellal leaned down and pressed his warm lips against her wrist. For once, Erza didn't flinch at a simple act of kindness; she just simply looked at him, surprised he didn't leave her after everything that had happened. Erza closed her eyes again, forgetting about the food that she had just set to the side.

"I'm sorry I brought you into my messed up life," she whispered.

The blue haired teen looked at Erza in surprise. Why was she apologizing? She had no reason to apologize.

Jellal sighed, "I'm _not_ sorry for getting involved in your life."

Erza opened her eyes and stared at him in surprise. Her friend smiled at her, and she smiled back.

She looked out the window, still smiling and whispered, "Jellal... I think I love you."

He wasn't quite sure he had heard her correctly. Jellal looked at her, almost as if waiting to find out it was all just a dream. Erza turned her head to face him, and she nervously but patiently waited for his response.

Jellal smiled when he realized it was reality, not a dream, "I love you too, Erza."

A cloud of relief washed over Erza's face, and her smile widened. It was the biggest smile Jellal had gotten from her since they first met.

**Well, there's the end of this chapter! I hope you liked it! Please leave a review and let me know what you think! Oh, and do you think I should add more chapters or just leave it at three?**


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